Sit down, strap in, and read the living fuck out of the following paragraphs.
A few years ago I completed a tour of duty through a minimum-security FPC (Federal Prison Camp) and have written a Kindle ebook about it. It’s worth a read, and for $0.99, even the “not in this economy…” excuse doesn’t work. But don’t take my word for it. Take lots of my words for it – here is the obligatory money-grubbing, sleazy sales pitch:
The book is titled “The Light Side of Corrections: Federal Prison Camp”
What makes my book unique? It is light-hearted. It is full of goofy meditations and engaging stories about the honest, unpolished reality of prison life as opposed to the insane, exceptional drama and violence. (Very little of that if you don’t go looking for it).
"The Light Side of Corrections" is funny, or at least tries to be.
This little nugget of letters has:
1. Reflections on prison, its environment, its genesis and, I hope, its demise.
2. Spankin' headlines and articles with titles along the lines of:
- Replacing inalienable rights with phone privileges
- Advocacy for tougher sentences for non-offenders
- Diversity initiatives with reference to competing with (and possibly becoming), totally badass killer robots
-- And a few more! --
3. Personality types of who you are likely to run into in an FPC. I don't mean drug/violence/white collar offender. I mean flavors of introvert/extrovert, serious and comical, and so on. Only far more interesting. Jailhouse lawyers, Rays of Sunshine, Investors, A Stamp Or Two, and some others.
4. Two distinct short stories inside the damn book. Both surprisingly serious. One literally crosses lifetimes.
That's right, you're getting THREE separate units of literary-snob within one download. Do you know what that means? It means you can buy this one little bucket of scribbles and enjoy getting brainsexed like a cerebral varsity quarterback on Prefrontal Cortex prom night.
"The Light Side of Corrections" is written in the tone and style that is evident above. Judge that how you will, preferably on Amazon if the judgment is pleasant.
Aside from shits and giggles, I wanted to convince – and illustrate by example – that prison life is, unbelievably, not always the hellhole often portrayed. Of course, I speak of a Federal Prison Camp. This is the First Class of prisons in the U.S. To my knowledge, it is as gentle as it gets. Discussion topics included lattes. FPC inmates will not necessarily walk out twitching with mental disorders picked up from dodging shanks, race riots, and rapey penises.
NOTE: though unlikely in an FPC, none of the above unpleasantries can be discounted as impossible. Any large collection of males crammed together is a container full of gas in a lightning storm.
If you’re headed for a real prison, this is the wrong book. Get some ugly on you and learn how to fight.
If you’re headed for an FPC, the above advice wouldn’t hurt either, but it does not have nearly the same urgency.
If you don’t think prison is in your future, you clearly don’t know how U.S. justice works. The penalty for your ignorance is $0.99, preferably forwarded through a purchase of "The Light Side of Corrections: Federal Prison Camp."